Secrets
by PirateCaptainArthur
Summary: Feelings can change without anything happening. But a certain event changed everything upside down for these two. Rating will go up. Shizaya.
1. Chapter 1

"FLEA!" Shizuo Heiwajima's yell filled the whole town, or at least some of it. He grabbed the nearest sign and looked angrily at the black haired informant in front of him. This was a normal day in Ikebukuro. The two enemies fighting. The monster and the informant. That was completely normal. But what would come soon, was far from what happened on a usual day.

Izaya Orihara smirked lightly and pulled out his flickblade, pointing it at the blonde. "Hello there, Shizu-chan~" he giggled and threw one of his many blades after him with the other hand, keeping the flickblade pointed towards the bodyguard.

Shizuo didn't say a thing. He just threw the sign towards the smaller man and growled loudly. There were a big crowd of people watching them fight, like always.

Izaya avoided the sign with ease and giggled. "If you want me, you have to catch me first~" he said with a small giggle and turned around. He quickly started running towards an opening between the crowd of people, running towards an ally.

"Get back here, flea!" Shizuo yelled loudly and quickly started running after the black haired. The people in front of the ally moved away quickly, as usual.

Izaya giggled once again and kept running down the ally. As he saw the dead end, he stopped to find a way to escape. He looked around quickly and smirked when he saw the metal emergency latter, that led to the roof of a tall building. He giggled once again when he saw the furious blonde. He grabbed the emergency latter and climbed up to the roof. "Catch me if you can, Shizu-chan~ !" he said loudly with a big smirk planted on his face. He finally came up on the roof, and only waited for the bodyguard to get up, so they could end this.

Shizuo didn't stop a second to slow down a little. He just grabbed the metal latter and climbed up quickly, even more furious now.

"You're far too slow~" Izaya said and laughed lightly, before he started running away from the furious blonde.

By that line, Shizuo sped up and ran faster after him. "IIZAAAYAAAA!" he yelled loudly.

It was only now, that Izaya remembered he was on a roof. The ground suddenly disappeared from under his feet. Luckily for him, he quickly grabbed the edge of the building with one hand. His heart was beating faster than it ever had. He looked down at the ground long under him. If he didn't catch the edge only a few seconds earlier, he would be lying down there. Dead.

Shizuo finally stopped running, when he saw the informant falling down the roof. He walked to the edge and looked down at the hanging man. He smirked at him and sat half down. "What are you gonna do now, flea?" he said with the same smirk as before.

Izaya tried several times to pull himself up, but he failed every time. He gasped, when his fingers started to slip from the edge of the building, and quickly grabbed it with the other hand, keeping himself up still. Once again he tried pulling himself up, but the same happened. He failed.

"Having troubles?" Shizuo said in a teasingly tone, as he watched the informant failing to pull himself up.

"You know, Shizu-chan.." Izaya's heart was racing like hell as he started talking, "if I fall to my death, you will never get a chance to kill me." He continued trying to pull himself up, but with the same result every time.

Shizuo was quiet for a short time, before he smirked widely. "Or.. I could just push you down now, and then I would kill you," he said with the wide smirk.

Izaya stared up at the blonde for a long time, while thinking. Was he really gonna die now? He couldn't help but smile lightly, when he finally let go off the edge, letting himself fall down to his death.


	2. Chapter 2

Without even thinking about it, not giving it a single thought, Shizuo reached down towards the falling man. It was like everything went in slow motion, like just reaching over the ledge to catch the informant took hours, when it actually only took a very few seconds. His hand grabbed around Izaya's wrist, quickly tightening it's grip to stop him from falling.

Izaya, who had closed his eyes, felt the rough pull on his one arm. But he just thought he was dead already. He dangled over the edge for several moments, before he finally realized, that he wasn't dead. His eyes quickly shot open, forcing a small tear run down his cheek. His heart was racing faster than it ever had, and his eyes were wide open and locked down at the ground under him.

It felt like hours, before Izaya finally tilted his head up to look at the person who saved him. When his eyes met the blond bodyguard's face, they widened slowly even more. His mouth slowly opened, but he was unable to utter a single word. Not even a small sound escaped him. He just stayed silent.

Shizuo's heart was racing, as he watched the raven haired informant dangling over the edge of the roof. Why did he catch him? Finally, he pulled the smaller male back up on the roof, his hand not letting go off the thin wrist. He took a step back, as he sat the informant down on the roof. He felt some kind of relief, like he actually was happy he had saved Izaya, the man he hated the most in the entire world.

Izaya suddenly felt the urge to let the tears run from his already wet eyes. But he held them back. He would feel pathetic to cry. Izaya Orihara didn't cry. He never did. Not in front of anyone. His eyes didn't leave the blond, and even though his wrist hurt like hell, he didn't even try pulling it back to himself. Of course he was happy to be saved from his death, but he was very surprised who his savior was. "Sh-Shizu-chan..." was all he could bring out form his mouth. His breathing were heavy and deep, he was panting heavily and his heart didn't slow down. He was shaking like hell, as he touched the ground, or rather the roof, now under him. He couldn't stand because of the shakiness, so he just quickly sat down on the dirty and flat surface, his eyes not leaving Shizuo's face for even a single second.

Finally, Shizuo let go off the shorter male's wrist, letting him fall to the flat surface. He himself could barely stand. He didn't know, that just by the thought of it, the informant's death would have shaken him this much. But unlike Izaya, he didn't move at all. He stood like frozen, looking down at the raven haired he just had saved not a minute ago.

After what felt like hours, Izaya finally pulled himself up from the ground until he stood up. Though he was still shaking like hell. He stared up at the blond for only a few seconds, before he quickly wrapped his arms around the taller male's neck and pulled himself close.

Shizuo quickly pulled away from the shorter male though. Even though he had just saved him, it meant nothing to him. Or so he thought, at least. He took several steps away from the raven haired, his eyes not leaving his face for some reason. He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it again when not a single sound came out.

The raven haired informant's eyes slowly drifted up to look at the blond brute. He finally gave in. Tears started rolling down his cheeks and he sniffled several times. His crimson eyes were locked at the taller man, as he slowly fell to the ground again. His legs just gave in. He couldn't stand up anymore. Being near his death had shaken him more than he thought it ever would.

Shizuo's eyes slowly widened at the sight of the now crying informant. He had never seen him cry before, and he never thought he should. Even though he still felt quite angry, he just walked to the shorter male and sat down in front of him, quickly wrapping his arms around the thin body and pulling him in to a hug.

"Sh-Shizu-chan..." Izaya said in a whispering tone and froze for only a very short second, before he quickly wrapped his arms around the taller male, hugging back.

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, but really only was a few moments, before Shizuo slowly pulled a bit away from the thinner male, not removing his arms from him. He didn't say a single word, as he watched Izaya. Very slowly he leaned close to the raven haired to make their lips meet, but stopped himself very quickly, right before they kissed. A short and silent sigh escaped his lips and he slowly pulled away, letting go of Izaya. "Flea... Just because I saved you... Well, it doesn't mean anything, okay..?"

A small and pretty much invisible blush appeared on Izaya's cheek, as he felt the other man's breath. But when he pulled back, he felt some kind of disappointment. Like he actually wanted to kiss the bodyguard. He knew he did, to be honest. "O-Okay... I know it didn't mean anything, Shizu-chan." And by that sentence, he slowly stood up, wiped his tears away and smiled his usual confident smile. Though there was a small sadness hidden somewhere in his face. "Well, I'm gonna go now, my dear monster~" He turned around and quickly ran towards the metal latter, that let down the roof. "Bye, Shizu-chan~ !" was the last thing he said, before he quickly climbed down the latter and escaped from the former bartender's vision.

Shizuo looked after Izaya, but surprisingly he didn't chase after him. He just stayed on the roof for a few moments, before he finally decided to go home.

_Hours later, Shizuo's apartment..._

Shizuo quickly walked to the door, as someone's knocks filled the room. It was already dark and pretty close to midnight. But he was still up. When he opened the door, his eyes met the raven haired informant. He sighed shortly, but didn't even shut the door. "What do you want, flea?" was the only thing he said.

Izaya looked up at the blond bodyguard for several moments. He didn't answer the question. All he did was quickly walking close to Shizuo, wrapping his arms tightly around his neck and without letting the man say or do a damn thing, he smashed their lips together in a soft kiss.

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><p><strong>AN: I'm sorry it took so long to get this chapter done. I've been really busy. I wrote this chapter, because I finally had time. The RP site I'm on, went down (for God knows which time) and I finally had no homework, so I took the time to write again.**

**Thank you so much for the reviews~ ! ^w^**


	3. Chapter 3

Shizuo quickly stumbled backwards, only a few seconds after the two men's lips were smashed together. He tried several times to push the smaller male off of him, but failed every time. Without noticing, he closed the door, as he stumbled backwards toward inside again. Somehow his arms had found their way around the smaller male, though he hadn't noticed at all. His arms had moved around the thin male all by themselves. He failed at several attempts to push Izaya off him again.

Izaya tightened his grip around the taller male's neck to pull himself closer, and to make sure that their lips wouldn't get separated. He was enjoying the taste of the bodyguard's lips too much to pull his head back and forcing him to break the kiss. Even though the kiss seemed rough, it was quite soft.

After several seconds of a normal soft kiss, Izaya moved his tongue to brush over the blond's lips, asking for permission to enter the other's mouth. He wanted to taste every little bit of Shizuo. That near death experience had made him realize his love for the bodyguard. He always knew it was much more than just a small crush, but for it to actually be love... He had never even dreamed about ever falling in love with anyone, and not even the monster of Ikebukuro. He would never fall for any of his beloved humans, so Shizuo was really the only choice he had. But love wasn't really his thing, so he never imagined him to actually fall for him. He did, though. And he wasn't very happy about it.

Shizuo kept stumbling backwards, until he reached the couch and fell backwards, so he now was lying on the couch with the informant lying on him. His arms stayed locked around the thin body and his eyes shut tightly closed. The second he felt the other's tongue brushing against his own lips, he finally just gave in and opened his mouth a bit, to let the tongue enter. His own tongue went out and met Izaya's. Their tongues touched several times, before they finally started playing with each other, moving around in both male's mouths. It wasn't like the kiss was bad, it was actually quite good. But Shizuo was making out with the man he hated the most, and that annoyed him. But that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy the kiss. He wasn't going to let it get any further than kissing, though. Nothing more.

A light red color appeared on the informant's cheeks, when he felt the blond's tongue against his own. But all he did, was let his tongue play back with Shizuo's. He pushed himself closer down to the bodyguard's body, grinding down on him, and moves both his hands to the taller male's cheeks, forcing their heads to stay that close, so he would be able to let the kiss continue until he wanted to pull back. The monster wasn't able to pull back, only push him away.

Without even thinking about it once, Shizuo's hands moves down to be placed on the informant's ass. But he quickly regretted doing that, since he knew the grinding from the other male would soon make it impossible for him to hold anything back.

He continued the kiss and the tongue playing for another several moments, before he finally got back to himself. He quickly moved his hands up to the raven haired's shoulders and pushed him away, breaking the kiss. "Damn it, flea! What the hell was that for?" His voice was pretty close to a yell, but it wasn't even near to be in an aggressive tone. He wasn't angry. He had actually enjoyed the kissing with the person he thought he hated the most. Though now something had changed. Something in both of them.

The light red color on Izaya's cheeks didn't disappear, even when the kiss was over. He opened his eyes to look down at the blond, a soft and small smile planted on his lips. "You didn't seem to hate it, Shizu-chan." His voice was soft, too soft. It wasn't like Izaya Orihara. Something was definitely changed. And what had changed, was the love for the monster. He loved him, more than he loved his humans. And that was unusual. Very unusual. Especially for Izaya himself.

"That wasn't what I asked, flea!" Shizuo raised his voice again, so it now was a yell. But he didn't push the informant further away. If he had to be honest, he wanted to taste the raven haired's lips again. But he would never admit that to anyone. Probably not even himself.

Suddenly, Izaya just looked hurt. He shook the bodyguard's hands off of his shoulders and leaned down close to rest his head on the blond's chest, his fists clenched around some of the white shirt and vest, that the former bartender wore. "I'm sorry, Shizu-chan... I just wanted to kiss you." He almost sounded like he was about to cry again. He tightly closed his eyes shut to force the sudden tears in his eyes to stop making their way out.

Instead of pushing the smaller male away from him again. Shizuo just moved his arms around the thin body, resting his one hand on the other's head, like he actually cared for the flea. Somewhere, he knew he really didn't hate the informant. If anything, he actually liked him. But no one would ever find out. Only if they could read his mind, and he doubted anyone actually could do that, or even dared doing so. "Flea... what the hell is wrong with you?" His tone suddenly went to be soft in a weird way. Somehow, this just felt right, having Izaya in his arms. Wait... what? He quickly frowned by his own thoughts and forced them out of his head. That could just not be right! It would never be!

Izaya opened his eyes wide up, at the feeling of the sudden soft tone in the blond's voice and the hand on his head. "I-I... I don't know..." He sniffled shortly and hid his face in the bodyguard's shirt and chest, clenching his fists tighter around the fabric. He mumbled something, that Shizuo wouldn't be able to hear.

"Speak up... Izaya." This was probably one of the few times, Shizuo actually would say the informant's name in a soft tone. Something was really wrong. It wasn't uncomfortable at all, but it was weird.

Izaya slowly tilted his head so he would be able to look at the blond, his eyes filled with tears and his face light red. He swallowed thickly, before he opened his mouth to whisper; "I... I think I love you, Shizu-chan..."

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><p><strong>AN: I'm so sorry for keeping you all waiting for this crappy and short chapter to come out. And I know, that I could have done a much better job with this chapter.**

**I promise I will make chapter 4 better!**

**Please review~ ! ^w^**


	4. Chapter 4

Shizuo stared down at the informant with wide open eyes. He repeated the raven haired's words over and over again inside his head. He thought he heard wrong. He loved him? How the hell was that possible? All they ever did was to try to kill each other. And not even a day ago, he had tried to kill that damn flea. But somehow, just those words made his heart beat faster than he realized it did. And since the other male's head was so close to his chest, he knew he would be able to hear it.

Izaya stared back up at the bodyguard, his eyes were filled with tears and his face was light red. His heart was beating just as fast as it did when he was falling down from that building only hours ago, probably even faster. He had just confessed to the blond after all. He didn't even know if he really felt that way. But his own reaction showed, that it was obviously true.

The awkward silence continued for what felt like hours, without the bodyguard let go of the smaller male, keeping his arms wrapped around him. Luckily for Shizuo, the raven haired hadn't noticed the fast heart beating from the blond. Finally, Izaya broke the too awkward silence. "Shizu-chan?" He looked nervous, like he had said something that could change everything. It could and it would. He knew, that no matter what happened, those two would never be the same. Not after they had kissed and Izaya had confessed his love for the other. It was impossible for them to go back to how they were before. And both of them knew it.

"Flea..." Shizuo stopped himself. He didn't know what to say. What the hell was he supposed to say? He didn't love the flea. Not at all. Or so he thought, at that moment. He didn't realize it yet, but he couldn't live without the informant. "Why... did you just say that?"

Izaya pulled his head a bit up to look better at the blond. "Shizu-chan... Are you really that stupid? I just confessed to you. You should be happy or at least do something other than stare at me and ask that stupid question." Did his voice crack? He swallowed thickly and his face grew red again. "I love you, Shizu-chan." He felt like crying for some reason. He really was pathetic.

Shizuo's heart was beating faster at those words. "Flea... That doesn't make any sense." He felt himself actually believing the flea, just a little bit. But if it really was true, then why was his heart beating so fast? He didn't like that man, not at all. At least that was what it always looked like to everyone else but Shizuo himself. "We've hated each other since high school. I mean-"

"Shizu-chan!" Izaya interrupted and placed both his hands on the blond's face, staring into his eyes. "I'll tell you a secret. Maybe you'll believe me then." He paused for several long moments. His heart was racing and his cheeks light red. "I never hated you. When you saved me earlier today, I just... I just realized how much I... how much I love you." He lowered his head shortly, hiding his face in the bodyguard's chest. It was embarrassing to confess. He hadn't really tried that before, not when it actually really mattered. But he just knew there would be nothing like this with the other. He thought Shizuo would never even think about being with him. That was, until he heard the other man's racing heart.

When the blond didn't say a damn thing, Izaya slowly lifted his head back up to look back at the man. "Shizu-chan..." He stared at the bodyguard's face. Was that... a blush?

Shizuo had turned his gaze in different direction. He glanced to the one side, looking away from the raven haired. He didn't know it, but he was actually blushing just a little bit. He knew his heart was racing, but somehow he just didn't care. He didn't know what to say. He could definitely not say he loved or even liked the flea. Even if he did, he wouldn't say it. He wouldn't admit it to anyone – ever.

Izaya lowered his head a bit when he didn't get a respond. He looked down and slowly started to lightly draw circles on the man's chest, waiting for a respond, waiting for the other to say something, anything.

After several long moments, Shizuo slowly looked back down at the raven and opened his mouth to talk. "You just love me because I saved you, don't you?" It had to be that reason. Why else would the informant love him? All he ever did was to try to kill him, not anything else. He never showed any signs of anything else.

Izaya sighed and looked back up at the blond. "No, that was when I realized it," he said and then mumbled; "Dumbass..." and glanced away. Still... he couldn't get mad at the one he loved. Not anymore.

Shizuo grumbled something incoherent and moved his hands up to the smaller man's sides. "Get off me, flea," he said, sounding rather angry.

Izaya quickly moved his arms around the blond's neck, keeping himself close. "No!" He clinged tightly to the man, not wanting to ever let go or get off him. "Why don't you get that I love you?" he yelled, his voice cracking slightly. Was he really about to cry yet again?

"I don't know what the hell you want me to do, flea!" Shizuo had raised his voice just as much, yelling back. "I don't love you back and I don't like you! It's not possible for us to be together! Now get off me!"

Izaya sniffled shortly and slowly sat up on the blond's stomach, looking down at him with teary eyes. "I don't care if you don't love me back," he said, sounding like he really was about t cry. "I just want to be with you. That's all." He paused shortly and stood up, leaving the man lying on the couch. "If you don't want me, then I guess there's no reason for us to ever see each other again. Even if it will kill me not to see you again..."

He felt a single tear run down his cheek and he quickly turned around, hiding his face from the bodyguard. "Bye, Shizu-chan."

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><p><strong>AN: I really have no excuse for why it took so long for me to update this story. And then you get this crap... I'm so sorry!**

**Don't worry. I started on the next chapter already and if I get myself together, I will write it this weekend.  
><strong>

**Anyway; please review~!**


	5. Chapter 5

Even though he knew how pathetic he was at that moment Izaya couldn't help but let just a single tear run down his cheek. Had he really lost the bodyguard for good this time? He wouldn't be able to be with the man after what they just did. Kissing. His cheeks slowly grew into a light red color by the thought. How stupid was he? Thinking it was actually going to work.

He just kept walking, feeling the cold night wind against his cheeks. He wanted to leave that apartment and never see the blonde again. He was embarrassed and sad. He had lost the one he loved for good this time. Or so he thought. Until he felt strong and familiar arms snake around him from behind. He stopped quickly and his eyes widened in surprise.

Shizuo had absolutely no idea why the hell he stopped the man. He just did. And he didn't want him to go anywhere. He tightened his grip around him, holding him closer but holding back on his strength. For probably the first time in his life, he didn't want to crush the informant. He actually wanted to hold him close, keep him to himself and never let go.

Izaya turned his head slowly, only to see the blonde's face. "Sh... Shizu-chan?" It somehow felt nice to have the man's arms around him this way, the man he loved, but he didn't get it. Why did he do it? It really didn't make any sense.

"Come... back inside..." Shizuo mumbled, keeping the raven as close as possible to himself. He knew where it would end, but to be honest... he didn't care at all. Did he really hate the informant? Somehow, he began to doubt it.

Without letting the informant answer, he just quickly picked him up in his own arms, carrying him back inside. Once they reached inside the apartment again, he sat the raven back down and closed the door, locked it just to be sure. He looked down into those crimson red eyes, his arms slowly snaking around the thin body to pull him close to himself again.

Izaya just let him get carried back inside the apartment. And when he was put down, he looked confused up at the blonde, his eyes still teary like he was just about to cry? "Why...?" His voice was shaking and he couldn't finish his sentence. It was just... not possible. Why would the bodyguard carry him back inside if he hated him? It didn't make any sense. Or... was it because he wasn't hated by the man as much as he thought he was?

Shizuo answered with one thing and one thing only. He leaned down and connected their lips again. He didn't know why he was doing all those things. He just did them, not wanting to let the informant ever leave him. It was weird. How was he ever going to look at the man normal again without thinking about how his lips tasted. So... delicious and soft.

Izaya widened his crimson red eyes in surprise, for the second time that night. But he had no protests for the kiss to continue. Instead he slowly snaked his arms around the taller male's neck, pulling him closer down and tilted his head a bit to the side to deepen the kiss.

Shizuo didn't make any objections to get the kiss deepened. His tongue quickly got permission to enter the raven's mouth and without wasting a single second, their tongue started playing around with each other. He could barely hold himself back from moving his hands further down. He didn't even realize he had done it. Until he felt his hands cupping the informant's ass.

Izaya giggled silently when he felt strong hands around his ass. He couldn't help but wiggle his hips playfully, lightly grinding up against the blonde. This wasn't exactly what he had planned to happen, but it wasn't like he was complaining. Not at all, actually.

He kept the kiss deep, letting his tongue play around with the bodyguard's, as he slowly took a few steps back, forcing the other to come with him. Somehow he managed to lead them into the small bedroom in the apartment without the blonde making any objections.

Even though he knew what the raven was up to, Shizuo didn't do anything to stop it. He was... caught in the moment and he couldn't deny that he wanted it for some reason. He knew what was about to happen and he wasn't going to stop it. At least not until it was too late.

Once they reached inside the bedroom, Izaya sat down on the soft bed, his hands slowly sliding down to grab around some of the white shirt and the black vest, that the former bartender was wearing. He didn't let their lips get any distance, but it wasn't deep any longer. It was soft and his lips softly massaged against the blonde's. He felt a tingling in his stomach, butterflies moving around inside him and the heat making it's way up to his face. His cheeks burned red at the thought of what was going to happen shortly.

Shizuo moved his hands up to the raven's shoulders and slowly pushed him down on the soft bed, their lips still connected. He placed his hands down on the bed on both sides of the informant and he leaned over him, his eyes closed and his lips softly massaging back against the other's.

Izaya snaked his arms back around the bodyguard's neck and somehow managed to roll over, the blonde now under him. He sat down on the former bartender's lower stomach and let his small hands slide down the broad shoulders to the clothed chest. Their lips had no distance at all. And the raven had no objections of it staying that way.

His hands moved down and his fingers slowly started to button the vest up. When that was down in just a short moment, he began with the white shirt. His fingers moved around, slowly buttoning the shirt up and revealing the blonde's muscular chest. But once he reached the last button, he was stopped.

Even though he knew he was going to regret it a second after, Shizuo slowly pulled his head back, breaking the kiss. "Wait, wait," he said, his voice lowered. He slowly sat up on the bed, forcing the informant to slide down to sit in his lap. "Why are we doing this?" He looked down at the raven, regretting that he had broken the kiss. But it was too late to stop this now. He knew it. That feeling in his lower parts was impossible to hide.

Izaya looked quite surprised up at the blonde, disappointed that the kiss was broken. But when he felt what happened at the bodyguard's lower parts, that he practically was sitting on, he couldn't help but giggle lightly.

"Because we want to. You can't deny it, Shizu-chan. I can feel you want to do it," he said, his voice lowered and in a somewhat seductive tone that really wasn't necessary. The man was already turned on and he didn't have to get him more. He playfully wiggled his hips against the bulge in the blonde's pants. He couldn't help it. No matter how much he loved the man, it was always fun to tease him.

Shizuo felt his cheeks slowly grow hot at the feeling that was sent through his body from his lower parts, when the raven wiggled his hips. "Fine," he said in a light sigh and pulled the other down to connect their lips again.

Izaya's arms found their way up at the muscular chest, his lips softly massaging the blonde's lips again. His hands moved under the white shirt and once he reached the broad shoulders, he pulled the clothes off, leaving the bodyguard with a now completely bare over body, the muscular chest revealed.

Shizuo slowly moved his hands up under the black shirt, that the raven was wearing. He knew he had to break the kiss again, if he wanted to remove the shirt. And so he did. He slowly and regretfully pulled back again but he didn't waste a single second. He quickly pulled the black shirt up and off the thin man, tossing it in a random direction. He didn't care where it landed. He just wanted it gone.

He shortly let his eyes trail down the now bare and skinny chest, before he quickly connected their lips again. This time he deepened it within a second, his tongue granting permission a second after.

The tingling feeling made Izaya let a soft and almost silent moan go from his mouth to the blonde's. His hands moved up the bare and muscular chest to feel every little muscle there, until he reached the broad shoulders. He gently rubbed them for a few seconds, before he moved his hands further back, his fingers lightly tangling in bleached blonde hair.

Shizuo let the kiss continue to another few moments, before he slowly pulled back, breaking it once more. His mocha eyes quickly locked with the informant's crimson red ones and he stared at him, clearly wanting him. But something still held him back from just doing it.

"I can't do this." There was a clear sound in his voice, showing how much he regretted breaking the kiss and stopping what was about to happen. But he couldn't deny that he was in fact turned on. He could feel the tightness in his pants, knowing he wanted the informant. "I mean... I don't like you."

Izaya's expressions quickly got sad, even though he knew his love was one-sided and it would always be that way. He lowered his head slowly and looked down, his crimson red eyes locking themselves on the bare chest in front of him. "But... you don't hate me, right?" He slowly lifted his head again, looking hopeful at the blonde.

"Well, I don't hate you that much." It was true. Why else would Shizuo, who claimed to hate the informant so much, make out with him and build up to take the next step? His arms snaked around the thin waist to hold the raven close to himself, his mocha eyes looking at those crimson red ones, he before had hated so much. Just not any more.

Izaya nodded and leaned close to the blonde. He gently kissed the bodyguard's lips, before he pulled back again, a small smile spreading across his pale face. "That's good enough for me," he said, almost whispered. He stared at the former bartender, his heart slowly beating faster as he spoke again.

"But I still want to do this, Shizu-chan. I can't stop now."

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><p><strong>AN: I think I will eventually have made all my stories M rated. Ah yes, if you haven't guessed it yet, this is going to be M rated soon. Probably in the next chapter.**

**Anyway; please review~! ;3**


	6. Chapter 6

Izaya's heart was racing. He had practically just told the monster of Ikebukuro to do him. Well, actually that was exactly what he had done. Even if it meant pain in his entire body the entire next week. He still wanted to do it – with the blonde and only him. He couldn't imagine ever wanting to do it with other than this man. And it was weird. Just a day ago, they had hated each other to death and their hate relationship was close to an end earlier that day. Now it was all over. Their hate relationship.

Shizuo stared back up at those crimson red eyes, his brows slightly furrowed. He couldn't just do this man... could he? It wasn't like he didn't want to. He did. But it just didn't feel right. Not right at all. It felt so wrong to just jump on the man. He couldn't do it and he wasn't going to. But his body moved on it's own, moved because he couldn't deny that he was turned on.

Leaning up he connected their lips again, keeping the kiss soft and away from deepen. He slowly leaned back until his back was met with the soft bed, his arms staying around the raven's waist and pulled him down with him. Their bare chests met, both feeling the other's heartbeat, the raven's faster than the blonde's.

Izaya just smiled lightly against the man's lips, staying close down to him and teasingly wiggled his hips, his own bulge going over the bulge in the monster's pants, making the man groan into the kiss. He knew this was a bad position, lying on top of the monster, but the closeness and warmth made him just do whatever his body wanted. And it was obvious what he wanted, what he wanted more than anything: The monster.

Without even realizing it himself, Shizuo's hands moved down to the informant's ass, cupping it a short second later and making the man giggle then moan slightly in pleasure as he tightened his grip around the ass. It still felt somewhat wrong and he wanted to stop it before it went way too far. But it was kind of already too late to stop now. Both of them were turned on and neither of them could deny how much they wanted it.

Izaya slowly tilted his head to the one side and parted his lips, forcing the blonde to do the same. For just a few seconds he moved around the monster's mouth before he pulled his tongue back, inviting the other inside his mouth, wanting to stay connected with that tongue, even though it tasted like nicotine and was quite rough. It was still what he loved about it and he wanted to taste it all again.

Shizuo didn't waste a single second. He just shoved his tongue into the raven's, quickly making their tongues wrestle for dominance. Of course, Shizuo won. He couldn't help but groan just slightly again when the informant started grinding up against him, making certain parts rub against each other. They still had their clothes on so it would be impossible to make skin contact between those two parts – until their clothes were off, of course.

Izaya continued to grind until he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take the tightness in his pants any longer and he was pretty sure the blonde was feeling the same way. Regretfully he slowly pulled away from the kiss, an almost invisible string of saliva connecting them for just a few seconds before it disappeared again.

Leaning down again, he nibbled the blonde's bottom lip just shortly before he pulled back again, sitting up on the man's lower stomach and locking his crimson red eyes with those mocha colored ones. His hands were lightly placed on the muscular chest and he could feel the heart beat faster than it had before. It only made him smile lightly, knowing his own was beating even faster.

He didn't say anything. He just slowly pulled himself up to stand on the bed, the blonde in between his spread out legs. His crimson red eyes never left the mocha ones, that was staring back into his. His hands moved down his bare chest as slowly as possible, trying to at least look a bit sexy but he knew it didn't matter. The monster was already hard enough. He could see it from there and it had to be painful – just as painful as he felt he was himself.

Only making it to remove his belt and pull the fliers open, he was stopped by a hand going up to grab around his one wrist, a hand belonging to the blonde, who now was sitting up just a bit.

"Wait, wait..." Shizuo knew he was going to regret this later but he had to stop this. It was already way too far and even though the tightness in his pants was painful and told him to just go on with it, he just couldn't go any further. It was just wrong. He didn't just do it because he felt like it. Actually, he only wanted to do it with people he actually loved. Of course the flea was something else. His hate for him was slowly disappearing and he could barely see himself ever hate this man ever again. But there was always a chance for that to happen and turn it even worse after what they had done.

He noticed the disappointed look in the informant's face but it didn't stop him from doing it. It didn't stop him from stopping this. "I can't do this..." he said and sighed. He lowered his head and looked down. He knew he was already regretting stopping it but he had to do it. Before it was too late.

Izaya slowly sat down, making sure there was a distance between the two. He swallowed thickly as he looked at the blonde, his brows slightly furrowed. "Why not?" he asked in a mumbling tone. He could feel the man wanted it. Or was he just mistaking and just imagined everything? Was it only him that was this aroused and wanted it so badly? Those thoughts made him lower his head and look down at his own hands, that slowly went into fists as he shortly glanced his own crotch. It was painful but it was too late to keep this going. Why couldn't he just have realized his love for this man years ago? Then this wouldn't have happened.

"It's... just not right," was Shizuo's answer. He knew how it sounded. Like it wasn't right because they both were guys. But that wasn't it. He did want the informant, did want to feel the warmth inside him. But even though his body told him to just go with it, his heart went in the other direction and that direction was where he went. Or actually, he stood in the middle, looking in the direction his heart went. It was the right thing to do, so he wouldn't just hurt the man. And that was strange. Before he would do anything to hurt him. Now that feeling just wasn't there.

The blonde's words made Izaya look at him, his eyes showing both sadness and disappointment. "So it's wrong? Why? Because we're both guys?" It kind of hurt. Sure he never thought he was going to do it with a guy himself but if it was with the monster, he wouldn't mind it.

"No," Shizuo replied quickly and looked at the raven again. "I just can't do it. I don't like you and yes... I do care about that. It does matter. If I don't even like you, then I can't do it. I'm sorry..." Forcing the raven off of his lap, he stood up and grabbed the white shirt and black vest on the bed, his mocha eyes making sure to look away from the other.

Izaya tried to say something but he just sat still on the soft bed, watching the blonde gather his clothes. "So... you're just going to leave?" Getting a short nod in response, his sadness sank lower. Had he done something wrong? "You know... it's your apartment. Shouldn't you be kicking me out instead?"

Shizuo quickly pulled the white shirt and black vest on, making sure it was closed all the way before he finally looked down at the raven, quickly noticing how sad the man looked. "No." He turned around and walked to the bedroom door. "I'm sorry, flea..."

He quickly walked out of the bedroom and then towards the front door. Pulling his shoes on he unlocked the door and opened it. He was met with cold night wind but he didn't care. He just walked out in the cold night and slammed the door shut.

Izaya didn't move. He just sat there, letting the monster leave him alone in his bedroom – sad, confused and hurt, all at the same time.

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><p><strong>AN: I seriously have no excuse for not updating that often and then giving you crap like this. I'm so sorry!**

**My original plan was to make the story M rated in this chapter, but I changed my mind. Don't worry, I promise it will be M rated soon.**

**Anyway; please review~! ;3**


	7. Chapter 7

Izaya just sat there, staring at the closed door that led out or into the bedroom he was in, the monster's bedroom, where he was left alone just a couple of moments ago. Did he... do something wrong?

Swallowing thickly, he slowly pulled himself up to a standing position on the hard floor, his brows slightly furrowed. And it was only now he was reminded of the... problem he had. He looked down, only to see his pants making an obvious bulge. If he hadn't been alone, he had no idea what the hell he was going to say about it. Or if the blonde had still been there, not just run away, he wouldn't have said anything and he would only wait for the man to fix the problem for him. If only that had happened...

His mind kept spinning for just a few moments, before he figured it would be for the best to just get rid of this... problem. He only hesitated a short minute and then almost ran to the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking himself in there.

While the informant started to get rid of his little problem in his pants, Shizuo walked down the streets of Ikebukuro, the pace fast, his face showing nothing but frustration and everyone could see from miles of distance, that you shouldn't get close to him – not this night. He knew exactly where he was going but he had no idea why he was heading towards that person exactly.

When he finally stood in front of the closed door, the frustrated expression never leaving his face and only made him look annoyed, he didn't hesitate for a single second. He just knocked hard and several times on the door, waiting impatiently for the person inside to open up.

Small and almost silent voices came from behind the door, before it finally got opened and revealed the underground doctor. "Ah, hello, Shizuo-kun!" he said with the usual cheerful smile and turned to the one side to let the blonde in, who immediately stormed inside. "What brings you here – at this time of the day?"

Shizuo didn't hesitate and just stormed into the living room, sitting down on the couch and waiting impatiently for the doctor to come sit with him. He had no idea why the hell he would go to this place. Out of all places he could go complain about the flea, he went to the one person who would just tell him the last thing he wanted to hear – probably!

"I think you need to check the flea's head. There has to be something wrong with him!" he said once the brunette sat down on the couch next to him.

"Can't say I disagree but you usually don't come here just to say that. What happened?" Shinra asked, now curious to find out what exactly had made this man so irritated, annoyed or whatever this expression was.

"Well, first I save his freaking life for some stupid reason. I don't know why the hell I even did that. I'm so stupid! And then I just walk away, thinking it will all go back to normal even though I saved him from falling down a freaking building. But no! He just has to come to my place and freaking attack me, tackle me onto the couch and do... weird stuff to me. Well, I didn't find it... as disgusting as I thought I would. But he just came randomly and attacked me! And then, and this is the worst thing, he tries to make me do it with him, even though I don't even like him."

Shizuo sighed heavily once he finished talking and leaned back on the couch. He rested the back of his head on the back of the couch, letting an arm come up to cover his eyes. He had really no idea why the hell he was telling the underground doctor all of this. He just needed to get something out and he knew Shinra wouldn't go tell anyone about it. Unless he wanted to get killed.

Shinra was quiet for only a short moment, before he finally said something to break the slightly awkward silence. "What kind of attack did he make? What kind of weird stuff did he do to you? ...And you haven't killed him, have you?" he asked. He was awfully curious now, even though he probably already knew the answer to most of the question running around in his head.

Shizuo was quiet as he leaned his head forward and looked down his own feet, gathering his hands with his arms lightly rested on his knees. "He... kissed me and tried to make me sleep with him... And no, I didn't kill him! I don't know why, though..."

Shinra didn't even think anything bad. He just liked that the blonde was being honest and it only made him smile, that the man actually was telling him all of this – as the first person to know.

"And I'm guessing you hated it and rejected it without even giving it a single thought? That's just typical of you, Shizuo-kun. You could at least gi-" He didn't get any further before he received a glare from the blonde.

"I did think about it and I never said I hated it! It wasn't like I didn't kiss back! I did and I wouldn't have if I didn't like... it..." Shizuo mumbled the lost couple of words, realizing how he just spat out that he really liked how the flea's lips were so soft. He hated himself for saying all of that without even giving it a single thought.

Shinra was quiet for only a second where he just let the light smile widen, just a little bit. "And can I ask where Izaya-kun is now?" he asked, worried that the informant might be hurt where no one would be able to come and help him. It didn't sound like that was what was going on, though.

"In... my bedroom," Shizuo answered, his voice lowered to a mumble. "Unless he walked away after I just left him there." He sighed shortly and turned his head to let his mocha like eyes lock on the smiling brunette. "Why does it matter anyway? It's not like he actually wants to be with me. I mean... we've hated each other all these years and now he suddenly wants me? Yeah right! It's just not going to happen, no matter how much he wants it."

"You know..." Shinra started as he leaned back to sit more comfortable on the couch. "Maybe you should just grab this chance a see where it goes? If it goes wrong, then you can just go back to hate him. Not that I want you to, I'm just giving you suggestions. But if it goes right... Who knows what might happen?" He couldn't help but smile at the thought. Maybe the endless fights would finally be over. Either that or they would be a hell a lot worse than before.

Shizuo sighed heavily and pulled himself up in a standing position, turning to walk away from the other. "Whatever... I'll just walk home to kick his fucking ass," he mumbled low, mostly to himself. He didn't even know what the hell he would do when he got back home and the flea was still sitting there, hard and only waiting for him to fix his 'problem'. It was just never going to happen!

"Fine. Bye, Shizuo-kun!" Shinra yelled after the blonde, who quickly just walked out of the room, disappearing from his view.

Shizuo didn't even bother to say goodbye to the underground doctor. He just opened the door quickly, walked out and slammed the door shut before walking down the now empty streets of Ikebukuro. All he thought about was to get back home before it was too late to do anything – whatever that was.

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><p><strong>AN: Happy holidays to all! Sorry for not updating this story very much and sorry for making it suck so much. I don't even have an excuse... Anyway; I hope you all have a good holiday. I know I did... sort of.  
>Remember to review~ :3<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

The cold night wind hit him several times but not a single sign of freezing showed anywhere on his body. Not even goosebumps. If you listened careful enough, you would be able to hear an incoherent grumble passing the man's lips from time to time, as black pants wearing legs moved forward, the shoe covered feet taking fast and long step after step down the road, knowing exactly where he was heading.

Amber colored eyes was almost glaring towards the apartment further down the road, the apartment that got closer and closer faster than it should because of the speed of the man's steps. Anyone passing him would quickly move off to the side to let him get through, knowing exactly that they would end up being shoved down onto the ground if they didn't. This man was determined on getting something. But what that was, only he knew.

For this man, getting to that apartment took forever. At least that was what it felt like and he hated how it was that way. His mind was blank but his body knew what it wanted, what he wanted. And he was just going to go with whatever he felt. Even if that meant doing something he may regret at some point of his life.

And if this wasn't enough, this man was in fact the monster of Ikebukuro, Heiwajima Shizuo. This day had been probably the worst or best day of his life. He hated how things had turned. First he saved the fucking flea, then he got attacked by the man, made out with him and next... they almost did it. And he refused to let anyone know what his body wanted right now. He was not going to do the man he claimed to hate so damn much! How could he? It didn't make any sense. But then again... When did he even care about the flea? When did he start to want this man? It couldn't all have happened just on this damn day.

Before he knew it, he was standing in front of the door that led into his apartment. He hesitated for a several moments, letting images of what his gaze might meet once he opened the door, before he roughly kicked the door open, knowing it wouldn't be locked. It never was, so why would it be this time?

The first and pretty much only thing his eyes were drawn to was the raven sitting on the couch in his living room. The first thing he noticed was the expression that was obvious and clouding his face; sadness. The second thing he noticed was the fact that the informant was dressed, fully dressed.

Being in his own little world, Izaya didn't even notice when the door opened to reveal the man, who had made him seem this... depressed. Did he do something wrong? If so, what was it? As he could see when it happened, both of them wanting to do it. So what the hell did he do wrong?

When the door slammed shut with a loud bang, he jumped in surprise, his crimson red eyes widening in surprise of the sudden loud sound. Within a second, he had turned his head and locked his eyes on the tall blonde standing just right in front of the door. Swallowing lightly, he slowly pulled himself up to stand from the spot on the couch he had been sitting on for who knows how long.

Neither of them said anything. All both of them did was to stare at the other in front of them. The smaller of them didn't know what to do or say, thinking he was the blame to the awkwardness in the room at the moment. The taller one knew exactly what he wanted but he couldn't make himself to do it. But then again... no one was around to witness whatever would happen in just a few moments.

But before he could do anything at all, the informant made a move. Izaya slowly walked up to the bodyguard and tilted his head slightly, just to keep the eye contact. He took a deep breath in, trying to calm himself down even though it was rather difficult to do so. He was still slightly aroused, even though he had been out in the bathroom to fix the little problem he had. It only helped for a bit – until he started remembering everything, right up until the blonde decided to leave.

"Shizu-chan... I know you don't want to admit you actually want me, but I know you want. So why don't you just suck it up and do me already?" He didn't know why he was starting to get so impatient, desperate. It was almost like he was craving to get fucked, craving the feeling of having this man inside of him. He wish he knew the answer to all the questions that was running through his head at the moment. But he didn't know a single one. He just knew he wanted this man, that was all. Not counting the love confession, that was.

When he didn't get anything in response from the blonde, his brows furrowed slightly in confusion. Now the man wouldn't even talk to him? He let a heavy sigh pass his lips and his crimson red eyes roll in frustration to this. He might as well just leave now. There was no reason for him to be there, now that he wouldn't get what he wanted so badly.

"Fine. Just forget about it then..." Shaking his head shortly, making the raven colored hair move ever so slightly, he started to walk towards the exit of the apartment, walking around the bodyguard. He didn't give the man's face a single glance. If he did, who knew what might happen to him? He might start to remember things and get aroused once again, just by the blonde looking at him. That would just be awful and he didn't want that to happen – not now, definitely not after what happened the last time he got aroused with this man.

He didn't get very far thought. He only got a few steps past the bodyguard, before he felt a strong hand around his one arm, which made him stop walking any further, forced him to stand still.

Shizuo wasn't thinking when he did this. He had locked all thoughts out of his head, any thoughts that would tell him that this was a very bad idea. He knew it was but honestly... he couldn't care less at the moment.

In a rather rough move, he forced the raven to spin around as he turned to face him himself. Within a second, they were standing close, barely any distance between their bodies again. Just by looking into those crimson eyes, that before would annoy the shit out of him, he could see how surprised the other was. And the surprise was only getting bigger by his next move.

Without letting a single thought come into his mind, he slowly leaned his head downwards until he felt Izaya's lips softly against his own.

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><p><strong>AN**: I can't believe it's been over a month since I've updated this one. I'm really, really sorry for not updating this very much and then give you a crap chapter. I just wanted to give you _something_ so you don't think this is a dead story. Anyway; the next chapter will be the last and I promise to make it better and longer than the last few chapters. Reviews makes me happy~


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